Just now, as I was getting dressed for my NaPro appointment, I noticed that my stomach felt uneasy like it had before many of my RE appointments when I was pregnant and scared to death. I don't know why, since I'm just going to review my tests and get my game plan, but maybe it's because I'm just so scared. Something has to work, and I am always questioning if I'm on the path that ends with a healthy baby. I tried to distract myself from my thoughts by checking FB and saw someone had posted a link to a couple's page about their IF and their hope to adopt. So, that didn't work as a distraction, and I decided to just pray and talk to God a little. I asked Him why last year He let my friend lose her baby when I'd asked that he let me have another failed cycle if it meant her finally getting a BFP before her husband deployed. I asked if I'm even supposed to be a mother. Am I wasting my time? I asked Him to please keep guiding me. Well, I had Pandora on like I always do when I'm getting dressed, and as I prayed, the song that has always brought me right back to the day I lost my baby came on, and I thought, "Well, that's mean!!" But then as I listened to it and cried my face off wondering if God thought this timing was appropriate, it was if my perspective of what the song's words meant changed. Instead of the focus being on me and my feelings about waiting for my baby, it was as if they were God's words to me. "Time has brought your heart to me, and I have loved you for a thousand years." "One step closer..." Following that song was "Anything Could Happen". Maybe I'm grasping at straws, but maybe He wasn't trying to pick on me but to let me know He is here, He loves me and is hurting with me, and He is leading me one step closer to His plan for me. I hope it involves being a mother, but I know it will be right no matter what it is.
Update on my appointment and plan later!
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POST APPOINTMENT UPDATE (Summary):
Dr. S doesn't think anything found on my lap/hysteroscopy/SHSG was causing my infertility, but she said it didn't hurt that we cleared it all out. Apparently, my mom misunderstood, and there was no fibroid. So just some mild endo and some very minor debris in my tubes. She said that after looking at my hormone profile (which was every other day starting CD10 until the next cycle), my progesterone is too low, and it is dropping off too quickly and too early. Pretty interesting, since most RE's don't care what your progesterone is other than at 7DPO. Well, if implantation can happen after that, isn't it important that it stay high enough to support implantation beyond 7DPO?? Well, luckily, Dr. S believes so. So, she said that with my uterine inflammation and the progesterone issues, she thinks implantation may be where our problem is. She said all my hormone levels and ultrasounds leading up to ovulation were basically perfect, so she doesn't think I need ovulation stimulating drugs in the first half of my cycle. She's having me take a compounded bioidentical, slow release progesterone in my LP. She said she feels like there is a good chance that's all I'll need once the uterine inflammation has hopefully been treated with antibiotics, and since my surgery instructions included me taking antibiotics, we can try this cycle.
The only iffy news was that she feels that if after 6 cycles on progesterone only I am not pregnant or if I have another m/c in that time (please God no), then I need to add Neupogen injections. Neupogen is a drug originally used by cancer patients to boost their immune systems, but it has been more recently used for fertility purposes. She said there have been studies showing good success rates for pregnancy and for lowering the risk of miscarriage. I'm a crazy researcher, so I'm Googling it to death right now. The main issue is the cost. Since insurance won't cover it, it will cost about $4,000+ should I get pregnant, and about $400-500 per cycle if I don't get pregnant. We are going to give the progesterone a chance, and hope it's that simple, but we'll consider the Neupogen if we are still faced with the decision in 6 cycles.
I think whatever you felt in your heart the Lord was trying to tell you is exactly what He felt you should feel and hear. Hoping you get the answers you need today!
ReplyDeleteHugs Farra. Mild endo can cause infertility... there are toxins that are released that prevent pregnancy and it's more common in mild endo than in severe. There is also pretty good odds for getting pregnant after even mild endo removal. I'm KMFX for you!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Sarah! I do think I remember reading that somewhere about the toxins it creates, but I'm glad you brought it up. Makes me feel better that the surgery was done and the few little spots were removed. She actually showed me a video she took where she pointed out each spot where there was endo, and I'm amazed she could even see it. It was crazy, but kind of cool!
DeleteI agree it just seems flippant for most RE's to dismiss the whole progesterone thing. It's like as long as you show ovulation and have a 12-14 day LP they don't investigate further. So many women are always advocating for themselves and begging for progesterone supplementation during their LP's. I'm glad your doc is paying attention to it!
ReplyDeleteI know that some RI's (reproductive immunologists) are using Neupogen with their patients (Dr. Braverman in NY probably uses it most extensively). Anyways, there have been many success stories I've read about with other women in the blogosphere.
Whatever the course, I'm glad you are bringing yourself back to a place of peace each time you feel yourself start to stray. It really does help to make that a habit...something I'm currently working on as well.