Wednesday, January 16, 2013
A Little Ray of Sunshine
I've been doing a lot of thinking about that saying "everything happens for a reason" and about why God let's people's babies die. I know many people believe God needs their baby in heaven for some reason, and that's fine, but it's hard for me to process, because then I think, "Well, then keep it, and don't send it down to my belly then take it away. That's mean." Some people believe it's just nature and God doesn't always intervene, and that was easier for me to process somehow, but still not enough to give me peace. Then, my mom insisted on giving me the book "Heaven Changes Everything", which is kind of a follow up to the book "Heaven is for Real". She said that there were a couple chapters about the miscarriage the couple went through, and she said it had helped her to understand what I'm going through, and she thought it would help me to see that my feelings are normal and that I'm not alone. Shortly after I started reading it, I came across something that really got my attention. It was about how God does miracles that we will never know about, because we haven't asked for them. He saw that they needed to be done, and he did them without us ever knowing we even needed a miracle. Then something occurred to me. Estrogen dominance greatly increases the risks of breast, cervical, and ovarian cancers. Had I not lost my baby, I would not have been so desperate for answers about my thyroid, which lead me to this doctor. I may never have been told about my estrogen dominance, and I would have probably never treated it. So, maybe my baby saved my life. Maybe that baby saved me from more miscarriages. Maybe that baby saved the lives of my future babies. I'll never know, but I sure do thank him/her for leading me to this doctor even if it was through lots of grief and despair that I sought him out. I do believe that my baby will be waiting for me when I get to heaven, and I know I haven't lost him or her forever. We will see each other again, and until then, I have a little angel watching over me and giving me a nudge in the right direction.
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Such a beautiful, beautiful thought. Miracles really do come from the strangest and hardest times in our lives. Looking bad I can see how wonderful things happened after really heartbreaking experiences.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to share two of my own personal posts with you. One I wrote after I miscarried after 10 weeks and one after reading the book, When Bad Things Happen to Good People. I just feel like maybe they could help you too and hope I am not overstepping.
http://southernhope1229.blogspot.com/2012/04/our-struggle-together.html
http://southernhope1229.blogspot.com/2012/08/when-bad-things-happen-to-good-people.html
Whitney
Whitney, you didn't overstep at all. I really enjoyed reading those posts, and the second one was especially needed today. Thank you for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI love that you are finding ways to see such a difficult circumstance as a blessing. Lord knows there has been a lot of crazy stuff happen to all of us in our lives, but if it weren't for the tough times, we wouldn't be where we are today. Since my most recent pregnancy loss, I've been digging deeper for answers about my body, much like you. I've found out I test positive for 3 blood clotting factors, found out my aunt died from breast cancer very young (which is really good to know for me!) and I am now doing chromosome and genetic testing to find out more about myself. If it weren't for the pregnancy loss, I might not know any of this new info. and it all could have caused me problems later down the road. Everything does happen for a reason, even if we don't understand it at the time. I fully agree with though, losing a baby is just a hard one to rationalize, but I'm glad you are dealing with it in such a healthy and open minded way.
ReplyDeleteYou know what? I love this new thought process and I'd never thought of this before myself, but I think it is absolutely true! I love the idea of miracles from heaven that we may not be aware of. I'm really going to start looking into that in my own life. I am so sorry about your loss, but it has led you to new knowledge about yourself and your body and maybe your baby will still come back to you on Earth, after your body is completely ready. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI so admire your outlook. It is so hard to wrap your head around tragedies and loss, but you are right, we are only seeing what we see and there could be more to it than we'll ever know. I love that you are finding new ways to look at things.
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